When Someone Else's Words Become Your Inner Critic: The Successes I Never Celebrated

What one comment taught me about self-worth, emotional triggers, and the power of learning to listen to ourselves.

Have you ever accomplished something wonderful, received incredible feedback, and STILL found yourself questioning whether you were good enough?

I have.

In fact, I've been doing it for years. Nearly 30 to be exact! And all this time, I had no idea.

I could organize a successful event, deliver a presentation, facilitate a workshop, or accomplish something I was genuinely proud of, only to spend the following days replaying everything I could have done differently or questioning my worth.

Instead of appreciating what went well, I would focus on what might not have.

And sometimes, despite receiving phenomenal feedback, I would feel like a nobody. An imposter. Someone who wasn't nearly as capable as others seemed to believe.

Why on earth was I doing this to myself?

Well, this morning, October 10, 2026, I decided to listen a little more deeply to what has been going on inside within thoughts - subconsciously and consciously. And suddenly, a memory from 1998 came flooding back. The year I was referred to as a porcupine with quills up.

Yes. A PORCUPINE!

And no, I wasn't walking around with quills sticking out of my backside! Although, looking back, perhaps I could have used a few.

Let me tell you the story of little words spoken with a big, negative impact.

It All Started With a Young Teacher Who Had a Big Idea

I was around 29 or 30 years old, a young mother of a four-year-old, a wife, a full-time teacher at a Christian academy, and a devoted member of my church.

I gave my all. To my family, my students, my work, and my faith.

And when I say my all, I mean MY ALL.

At the school, I noticed there weren't many extracurricular activities for the students, especially those in junior high and high school.

We had incredible facilities, wonderful young people, and so much potential to bring everyone together.

So, I approached the principal with an idea.

What if we organized an entire Week of Prayer for the school?

Not just a few daily gatherings, but a whole experience that would bring students, teachers, families, and people from surrounding churches together.

Something that would break down barriers between generations, cultures, and even the more conservative and liberal ways of practicing our faith. Something that would remind us that we had more in common than what divided us.

The principal gave me the green light.

There was just one little detail.

There was no money!

So, naturally, I decided we'd raise the money ourselves through a school-wide fundraiser.

Time to organize and get things rolling.

Of course my wonderful husband, Daniel was my right-hand man. My partner in just about every crazy idea I came up with. I dreamed it. I planned it. And he helped make it happen. If something needed building, moving, arranging, picking up, setting up, or figuring out, Daniel was there. He was the kind of husband who supported my enthusiasm, even when that enthusiasm meant hundreds of hours of extra work. And this particular idea was about to become a BIG one.

First Came the Rock-A-Thon!

Remember Rock-A-Thons?

When I was a child, I participated in one, and it remained one of my fondest memories.

So why not organize one for the entire school?

Students gathered sponsors, brought their rocking chairs, and rocked for different lengths of time according to their ages.

The little ones participated for a short time, while the older students continued into the evening, with the senior students rocking until midnight.

We had games, skits, films, musicians, entertainment, prizes, and a silent auction.

Local businesses donated items. Food was sponsored. We had sandwiches, snacks, pizza, Tim Horton's, drinks, and all kinds of goodies.

It was a HUGE undertaking.

And we raised nearly $5,000!

Remember, this was back in 1998.

The students loved it. Parents were delighted. The atmosphere was incredible.

School staff was electric. We had accomplished something special - together.

But not everyone was happy.

Some (a few) people criticized the food choices. Apparently, Tim Horton's and pizza were questionable additions to a Christian school fundraiser event.

Others were upset because I had asked a young adult band to perform without drums, an instrument that was controversial within that church community at the time. My intention wasn't to exclude anyone. Quite the opposite. I asked them to use a traditional drum instead. But received backlash! Couldn't please everyone - even if the intention was inclusivity.

I wanted the musicians to participate while being mindful of the different beliefs and sensitivities within the church and school community. I was trying to bring people together.

Yet somehow, in the eyes of a few, including the drummer and his parents, I was a horrible person not allowing the drum kit to be used.

Then Came the Week of Prayer

Using the money raised, we invited a group of university theology students from Michigan to lead our Week of Prayer.

I organized gatherings for the entire school, from kindergarten through Grade 12 with singing, prayer, learning, and opportunities for the older students to explore their faith more deeply. Young adult musicians from the local churches helped lead the praise and worship each day. The K-12 students were engaged. They were excited. They were enjoying something different and meaningful.

Most teachers and parents shared their appreciation.

Yet again, I received criticism from the same few who were not content with the way things were setup. To say it mildly. This negativity kept creeping up and falling onto my ears.

Then came that special Sabbath service that brought the five surrounding churches together.

Once again, my incredibly helpful Daniel made the calls, did the reach-outs, pre-paid the services and followed every request I made of him to ensure everything went well. It was amazing! We gathered, participated, sang, and worshiped together - young and old from various locations.

And finally, we arranged a special outing.

A chartered bus brought registered participants to a boat that took us to a historic island, where students, parents, guests, and chaperones could explore and enjoy time together.

It was a wonderful way to finish an unforgettable experience.

Think about it.

I was a young teacher, wife, and mother with no formal training in large-scale event planning.

Yet, with Daniel's support, volunteers, donations, and an enormous amount of work, we had pulled off a series of events involving hundreds of people.

And it was a success!

I should have been celebrating.

Instead, I was exhausted, hurt, and increasingly weighed down by the criticism of the same few individuals.

And Then Came the Porcupine

Throughout the planning and events, a small number of people in positions of influence had been criticizing my decisions. A male teacher and a older pastor, in particular, seemed to find fault with much of what I did. I was hearing that negative comments were being shared with others in positions of authority.

I couldn't understand why.

Why, when the students were so happy?

Why, when families were expressing their appreciation?

Why, when everything had been done with the intention of bringing people together?

Eventually, I decided I wasn't going to entertain the criticism anymore.

It was draining me.

Then one day, the pastor showed up at my home, uninvited.

He had come to confront me and, from my perspective, set me straight.

I told him I wasn't interested in having that kind of conversation and asked him to leave.

And that's when he said something to the effect that it was difficult to work with someone like me because I was like a porcupine with my quills out. A PORCUPINE! In my own home!

After everything I had poured into those events.

After the hundreds of hours Daniel and I had given.

After trying so hard to do something good for the students and the community.

A PORCUPINE!

I never forgot those words.

Now, to be fair, perhaps he saw my refusal to continue the conversation as being difficult or defensive.

But here's something I've come to understand.

Setting a boundary doesn't automatically make someone difficult. And disagreeing with someone in authority doesn't make you a bad person.

Back then, however, I didn't have the understanding or tools I have today.

I was 30! Not a seasoned, experienced adult!

I was deeply hurt.

Many people encouraged me not to listen to the criticism. They reminded me how successful the events had been and how much the students appreciated everything.

They also reminded me of the biblical words, "You will know them by their fruits." And sadly, those who were so quick to criticize had a reputation for producing some pretty bitter fruit themselves.

And I heard them.

But hearing people tell me not to let something bother me and actually knowing how to work through what I was experiencing were two very different things.

Nearly 30 Years Later, Something Clicked

Fast-forward to today.

Over the years, I've organized countless events, school programs, music performances, historical fairs, presentations, workshops, and more.

Many having been incredibly successful.

I've received beautiful feedback, heartfelt appreciation, and words of encouragement.

Yet, I began noticing a pattern.

After accomplishing something meaningful, I often struggled emotionally for days.

I would question myself.

Replay conversations.

Wonder whether I had done enough.

Focus on what I could have improved.

Sometimes, I would feel completely unworthy of the praise I had received.

And this morning, I found myself asking:

Why am I so hard on myself after doing something well?

What am I telling myself?

What am I feeling?

Where have I experienced something similar before?

What is feeding these thoughts and emotions?

And there it was.

1998. 
      

The Rock-A-Thon fundraiser.

The Week of Prayer.

The criticism.

The pastor standing in my home.

The porcupine.

For the first time, I recognized a possible connection between that experience and a pattern I had carried into other parts of my life.

Could it be that somewhere along the way, I had learned to associate accomplishing something wonderful with the expectation that criticism would follow?

Could it be that instead of allowing myself to celebrate, I was unconsciously preparing myself to be judged?

Recognizing this connection gave me something valuable to explore.

And THAT is what Self-Awareness is all about.

The Words We Hear Can Become the Words We Tell Ourselves

Remember the childhood rhyme:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

What a load of crock!

Words can hurt.

Especially when they come from someone we respect, trust, love, or perceive to have authority over us.

And sometimes, long after the person has stopped speaking, we continue repeating the message to ourselves.

Not necessarily in the same words.

But through our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, assumptions, and behaviours.

We might tell ourselves:

I'm not good enough.

I should have done better.

People are going to criticize me.

Maybe I don't deserve this success.

And without recognizing it, we may begin responding to present-day experiences through the lens of something that happened years earlier.

The event may be over, but the emotional pattern can continue.

That's why simply telling someone to forget about it, move on, or stop taking things personally doesn't necessarily help.

I know.

People told me those things nearly 30 years ago.

And while their intentions were good, I didn't yet know how to listen to what was happening inside me, release what was not mine to hold on to and shift my mindset to be free from those un-serving words.

This Is Where Self-Awareness and Power Listening™ Come In

For years, I've been passionate about helping people develop greater Self-Awareness and Self-Leadership through the skill of listening to self in an Emotional Fitness® way.

Not by telling them how they should feel, think, or behave.

But by helping them learn to listen to themselves.

And today, I found myself doing exactly what I teach.

I became curious about a pattern.

Rather than simply pushing the uncomfortable feelings away or criticizing myself for having them, I gave myself the opportunity to explore.

I began listening to my thoughts.

Recognizing the emotions attached to them.

Questioning the beliefs and assumptions influencing my responses.

Looking at past experiences that might be contributing to the way I was feeling today.

This is part of what I call fierce Self-Awareness.

It's not always comfortable.

And it's certainly not about blaming someone else for everything we're experiencing.

It's about becoming willing to recognize what's happening within us, understand what belongs to us, and begin making conscious choices about what we want to continue carrying forward.

Through Power Listening™, we can learn to listen to ourselves without immediately judging, dismissing, or trying to fix what comes up.

Through Emotional Fitness®, we develop practices that help us better understand and work through our emotional experiences.

And through Self-Leadership, we learn to take ownership of our responses rather than allowing old patterns to keep directing our lives.

Self-Awareness helps us recognize the pattern. Emotional Fitness® helps us work with what we're experiencing. Power Listening™ gives us a way to listen more deeply. And Self-Leadership helps us choose how we move forward.

So, What Am I Choosing Today?

Well, first of all, I'm choosing to give that 29/30-year-old woman a little credit!

She was raising a young child, teaching full-time, supporting her family, serving her community, and organizing events she had never attempted before.

She had a husband who believed in her and worked tirelessly beside her.

She had an enormous heart, a great deal of enthusiasm, and a desire to bring people together.

Was she perfect?

Absolutely not!

Did she make mistakes?

Absolutely yes!

But none of that takes away from what she accomplished.

And none of it makes her unworthy.

Today, I can appreciate that young woman in a way I wasn't able to back then.

I can recognize her intentions, her efforts, her courage, and her accomplishments.

I can also recognize that I don't have to continue judging myself through someone else's opinion of who I was.

And here's something else.

I can take responsibility for my patterns without taking responsibility for someone else's behaviour - words.

That's a big one.

What About You?

Have you ever noticed yourself reacting to something happening today with emotions that seem much bigger than the situation itself?

Do you struggle to accept compliments?

Do you question your worth after accomplishing something meaningful?

Do you replay conversations, focus on criticism, or find yourself expecting something to go wrong even when things have gone wonderfully well?

Perhaps there's a pattern worth exploring.

Not to find someone to blame.

Not to spend the rest of your life digging through the past.

But to better understand yourself.

Because sometimes, what we're experiencing today may be connected to something we haven't fully recognized or worked through.

And when we begin listening to ourselves with curiosity rather than criticism, we create opportunities to respond differently.

We cannot change what happened yesterday. But we can change how we understand it, what we continue to carry, and how we choose to live today.

Nearly 30 years ago, someone called me a porcupine.

Today, I finally stopped to explore why those words might still matter.

And you know what?

I think it's time to give that porcupine a little love.

After all, she accomplished some pretty amazing things!

Much love,

Michelle xo

Michelle Gallant-Richards is a Master of Emotional Fitness®, educator, speaker, and founder of Emotional Fitness® Life and Mindfit4Life™ Academy. Through Self-Awareness, Emotional Fitness®, Power Listening™, and Self-Leadership training, she helps people better understand themselves, strengthen communication, and navigate life from the inside out.

You don't have to lose yourself because life happens.